“Unless the LORD builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain.”
— Psalm 127:1 (NIV)
The Bible often associates building with houses and marriage.
“The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands, the foolish one tears hers down.”
— Proverbs 14:1 (NIV)
Houses don’t just appear on their own; they require intentional effort, resources, and planning. Whenever a house is built, it means someone invested time and energy into laying a strong foundation. Similarly, a strong marriage must be deliberately, consciously, and carefully built—otherwise, it may not stand the test of time.
Some houses are built in error, suffering from foundational issues, misalignment, or poor construction. Likewise, marriages that are not properly built may fail, collapse, or become weak over time.
Let’s explore key elements needed to build a blissful and lasting marriage, using the analogy of constructing a house.
Building Materials for a Strong Marriage
Just as bricks, cement, sand, and water are needed to build a house, certain key materials are necessary to build a lasting marriage.
1. Friendliness – The Water That Binds Everything Together
Friendship is essential in marriage. It acts like water in a building mixture, ensuring all other elements blend seamlessly. A marriage built on friendship fosters joy, understanding, and tolerance. Friends forgive each other, play together, and support one another.
2. Love – The Cement That Holds Everything Together
Love is the bond that unites all aspects of marriage. This includes:
- Agape Love (Unconditional love)
- Philia Love (Deep friendship)
- Eros Love (Romantic love)
- Storge Love (Family love)
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves.”
— Philippians 3:3 (NIV)
“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.”
— Romans 12:10 (NIV)
A couple should love each other the way they desire to be loved, understanding their partner’s love language. Love eliminates competition and fosters mutual support in fulfilling each other’s purpose.
3. Trust – The Solid Bricks That Form the Walls of Security
“When the hedge is broken, the serpent will bite.”
Trust is the absence of suspicion. It is essential in preventing doubt from creeping into a marriage.
There are three types of trust in marriage:
- Earned Trust – Built over time through consistency and reliability.
- Voted Trust – A decision to trust one’s spouse, even in their absence.
- Renewed Trust – If trust is broken, it should be restored like laundering a stained cloth, rather than being discarded.
“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
— 1 Corinthians 13:7 (NIV)
If trust is compromised, instead of forming negative assumptions, communicate openly and give the benefit of the doubt.
Conflict Management
Differences should not divide couples but rather complement them. Recognizing that each spouse brings unique qualities to the marriage helps in resolving misunderstandings effectively.
Offense Management
Marriage is like mixing cement, sand, and water—the process creates friction, but when properly blended, it results in a strong structure. Similarly, offenses will occur, but handling them with understanding and love leads to a stronger bond.
“Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor.”
— Ecclesiastes 4:9 (NIV)
When offenses arise:
- Communicate effectively.
- Apologize and accept apologies.
- Avoid external interference unless seeking wise counsel from a trusted pastor or professional.
“In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”
— Ephesians 4:26-27 (NIV)
Managing anger properly requires patience and self-control for the greater good of the marriage.
Active Listening
Listening is a vital skill for a blissful marriage. Do not listen to respond but to understand. This strengthens emotional intimacy and prevents misunderstandings.
Spending Quality Time
Spending time together strengthens the bond between spouses. It is not about the quantity of time but the quality of moments shared. Prioritize each other despite the busyness of life.
Financial Management
Finances are one of the major sources of conflict in marriage. Couples should:
- Plan their finances together.
- Avoid unnecessary debt.
- Be transparent and accountable.
- Work towards financial stability as a team.
Communication
Effective communication is the lifeline of any marriage. A lack of communication leads to assumptions and misunderstandings. Spouses should:
- Speak openly and honestly.
- Be kind in their words.
- Express needs and concerns constructively.
Conclusion
Having Christ at the center of your marriage is like a triple-braided cord that is not easily broken.
“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
— Ecclesiastes 4:12 (NIV)
A marriage with God at the foundation, center, and end will be strong and unshakable.
Marriage does not fail—people fail in strength of character and in their Christian walk. Couples should cultivate:
“The fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.”
— Galatians 5:22-23 (NIV)
A marriage rooted in these values will stand the test of time.
A Reminder for Singles
“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?”
— 2 Corinthians 6:14 (NIV)
Marry someone who shares your faith and values, as this makes it easier to walk together in unity.
Prayer for a Lasting and Blissful Marriage
Heavenly Father,
We commit our marriages into Your hands. We acknowledge that unless You build our homes, our efforts will be in vain. Lord, help us to build our marriages with love, trust, and understanding. Teach us to communicate effectively, resolve conflicts with wisdom, and cherish the gift of companionship. Let our marriages be a reflection of Your love and grace. Strengthen us to uphold godly values and to be examples of Christ’s love to the world. May our homes be filled with peace, joy, and harmony.
In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
